For But A Few Memories

Free of the militia, that is what I am now. I can practically go anywhere without getting shot at in space, is what I keep telling myself as I travel through the old route up there, to the station in Grinacanne. My only concern was, if they saw me dock, what would be waiting for me? Thankfully, my friend had one of his private fluid router coms in his workshop at home, and it did not take me long at all to figure out how to use it, how to use it to hack into some one's office and provide a secure coms line. Simple enough, that as I approached closer, I gave what little crew I had on board the order to ...

My sudden holo appearance must have startled the Gallentean woman, as her jaw had dropped so low, I could nearly say it hit the floor. Before she could even flinch to do anything, I spoke up.
"Hello Ms. Setiges Hustiquier. It has been a while, and I would appreciate it if you kept quiet about this."
The woman glowered at Rin, but kept a calm looking composure. "Yes, Captain Kaelestria, it has been a while. You do realise I should be calling in the authorities now for just th--"
"I need a favor."
"I can't do that for you. The last bit of intel I had on you, was that you were working for the 24th Imperial Crusade."
"I am no longer with the militia. Check your records if you will, and you will see this is true."
Setiges gave Rin's holo a scrutinizing look, but with a few button presses and a check of her holo desk computer, she finally gave me a nod. "Alright, so you speak the truth. Doesn't mean I shouldn't be calling them in on you for this."
"I worked for you for quite a long while, Ms. Hustiquier. Do you really think I am that bad of a person, or am here to cause terrorist harm to your people? I may have had a few qualms with the Federation prior to my leaving to null, but you know me better then that. To take my anger out like that in such a manner over something petty."
The woman sighs. "Fine, what is it you want of me."
"Temporary pass into Federation space undetected, docking permission at your station, and a temporary pass key into my prior rented room there." Rin paused very briefly. "Before you ask, I may have left something of personal value there, and I would like to get it back, provided it is still there."
Setiges pursed her lips for a moment. "What's in it for me if I do this for you? After all, I wold be risking my job just for doing this."
"I am a capsuleer, Ms. Hustiquier. Thus I have a fair amount of isk at my disposal, as well as ways of slipping it to you privately."
"I shouldn't be taking brides from an enemy, but you were always a hard worker back then, Ms. Kaelestria. Alright, I'll do as you ask as well as taking the isk. Just make your stay here quick."
"That is fine. I was not planning on remaining in Federation space for long. Thank you."
I saw the disgruntled look on the woman's face as my holo image flickered off.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That woman kept her end of the bargain well, as upon decanting from my pod, I found the temporary pass key I had requested, sitting in my temporary captain's quarters at the Grinacanne Fed Intel station. I quick freshening up job, re clothed, I nabbed the key and slipped out of the room.

So far, so good. No surprise guards waiting anywhere for me. I wasted no time navigating the halls of this place, remembering my way through even though it has been more then a year since my stay here. I passed by very few people, thankfully, as the hour was late and most were either in bed or at the station bar. When I finally arrived at the door, I only then paused, breathing in deeply as I inserted the datakey into it's proper place. I only hope the room's current resident was not inside.

The door hissed open, sliding open and allowing me inside. I took no time slipping into the place, eyes adjusting to the dimly lit room, stilling my breath as much as possible. I heard nor saw any signs of life in here, silently thanking God in my mind for this thus far. As soon as the door behind me closed, I quickened a walking pace over to a wall close to the bed, fiddling with the panels there. "Come on, I know you are here somewhere," I whispered to myself, finally finding one that came loose. I held my breath, wondering if what lay beneath it was still there ...

A grin washed over my expressions at the small metal locked box was there, wasting no time to pull it out and replace the wall panel. A thumb on the lock pad opened the lid with a small click, the rest of my finger gently prying it open to have a peek inside.There they were, the whole reason I was even bothering the risk at all. A small complicated looking datachip in a small clear case, and what appeared to be a string of dark green beads ...my old prayer beads, the one thing from the Kingdom my grandmother never objected to me having around. Pocketing both, setting the box down, it was only then did I take a glance around the room, and breathed out a small mournful yet quiet sigh.

The memories I had here, though of a time long gone, flooded my mind. The quiet times I spent sitting on the couch reading before he annoyingly stopped by my door to see if I wanted to hang out. The pointless silly bickering we had walking down the halls of this station. Watching him get his ass drunk as I rolled my eyes while laughing. The kiss I had placed on his cheek, the rose he had left in front of my room door. The time in here, where he pressed me up against the wall, the passion that followed ...

*I know I cannot go back to that life anymore. I have sensed the changes within myself, seen them, and I know I am no longer that woman from that life. Still does not mean I will not grieve for what I once had, for a life that could have been.....*

Nearly lost in my thoughts, I barely had a chance to notice the door opening again, this time not from my own doing. "Shit," I uttered quietly, instantly racing towards the unidentified man at the door. He barely saw me, beginning to shout, "What the--!" was all he had time to say before I was on him. My quick reflexes and strength threw him way off guard as I nabbed him by the wrist with my left hand, pulling him fully into the room, allowing the door to close behind him now. I twisted the arm, pushing it's straight self back towards his shoulder. There was small crack as I did this, and cry of the man's pain as the move forced him to submit to his knees on the floor. Without saying a word to the man, the straight side of my right hand struck a part on his neck, knocking him out and collapsing to the floor in a heap.

Checking his pulse, making sure the man was alive, I finally left the room, my prizes in tow. I met no other resistance on my way out of this accursed station, and out of Federation territory. Thank the Lord he had allowed this quick visit to remain as uneventful as it did, that He granted me this chance to regain something I thought lost. I really did not want to kill anyone, or end up in another prison cell.

Though I have my doubts Esna would be happy to learn what I did to that man, even though it was needed.

At least the rest of what I aim to do is far less riskier, and hopefully put a smile as well as a glimmer of hope to a newer found friend.

Freedom's Uncertainy

Sometimes, I really should not go looking at certain things, especially when I know better. Though this time, all thanks to Raze Valadeus pointing out how something he had spoken of on IGS may paint him as 'heretical', my own curiosity got the better of myself. For once, I brought up my datapad, and looked over the place of repeating nonsense. A few topics caught my eye, but all three eventually had one topic in particular mentioned in them: slavery.

I kept reading them, anyway, but something someone said brought up a fear I kept brushing away repeatedly, not wishing it to linger in my mind. New slaves in the Empire are taken from criminals, those held in prison. Slaves taken in such a way are never released, and for good reason. My heart always sinks when I am reminded of that.

I was taken from prison, I am a criminal turned slave ...

Doubt hits me hard at times, such as it does right now. Freedom was promised to me months ago when he felt he could release me without issue. Though I wonder, can he? I do weep over this, that I my never have anything more but the slave status in the Empire, or even in the Mandate or Kingdom for that matter. The one place in the entire cluster of empires where I would less likely stick out like a sore thumb ... and I am reduced to less then that of a commoner. To just ... some one's property.

Fortunate as it may, though he has never treated me as anything but a person, the status still saddens me. How others will treat me, what it prevents me of achieving later on ... it is all dictated by those damnable title. If I can never be free, I can never face them and take back what should be my inheritance. I need to, in remembrance of my lost kin.

He promised me last night he find a way, when I told him of my woe within the solarium. I still have my doubts, however, that it may not be possible. I would have wept had the man not pulled me into a much needed hug. Though once we were at home, and sleep had over come him, nothing prevented the tears from coming. 

They did... 

Dear Lord, why am I this pathetic...

A Life Lost, Lives Returned

Nearly a month ago, two weeks worth of memories had been robbed of me. The cause of it all, a deadly poisonous concoction, meant to steal my immortal breath away. As if either of those facts alone was not bad enough, occasionally I find myself unable to remember some things, though I know they are things I should recall. Such as the name of the one I loved, whom went missing on me. I just cannot recall, for the life of me, what his name was, and that alone brings about a flood of frustration and sadness to me. It really is true what they say, that time is a precious thing ... how bothersome it was to know I had time itself stolen from me.

When it seems as things cannot get any worse for myself, I get proven wrong. Two weeks ago, when I enquired to my closest friend on what had happened, he revealed to me something that brought nothing but utter shock and pain to me. My brother ... my precious younger brother ... gone. The very night I nearly died myself, he ...

I never stopped caring about him, despite his anger at my lack of conformity, and turning his back on his only sister. We had just barely started to talk to each other again, rekindle our sibling relationship ... and then, he was gone. Just, gone ... and the pain of losing my family again burned inside of me. Once more, I never got a chance to say good bye, and now, I am the last of my small family ... the lone survivor ... the last one standing, though I feel as if I am on my knees.

Feeling the pain in my heart from the loss, I left the war zone, fleeing the systems in my Jaguar. My small crew on board asked me not the reason why, just did as I instructed. In my wanderings, I went back to the region which spawned my first flights as a capsuleer, and it is there I started the meaningless tasks of running tasks for an agent. As much eradicating the cluster of terrorists and raiders, it felt so empty to me ...

For three days after hearing of my brother's death, my meaningless pitifully easy taskings occurred, occasionally returning home to find comfort in my friend. My last mission for a particular agent ended, however, when I found myself in a particular situation. A building in space, located near my intended target and the mercenaries he had hired ... it was a slave breeding facility. I lingered around that place, pondering what to do. I could feel the stir in my heart now, the lives those people inside must live, it was a terrible thought.Enough in the end to make the choice I did. Targeting the building, and as soon as the lock was heard, I gave the order to fire upon it ...

Perhaps it was God's will for this to happen, I do not really know. Though from the ashes of that small building, in a floating cargo container, I found them. Survivors, all slaves. It took many trips to bring them all in with the Jaguar, but I did. A rushed head count gave to eighty-eight survivors once they were all safe in my temporary station hanger. Much to Develin and Camelin's annoyance, I gave orders to buy what they could find bedding, food, and water wise on board the station. It was a snap out of my mournful state, back to the reality of things. These frightened people were here, under my care ... they needed help. I put in a call to help to my friend, my own master.

He came a few hours later. Though not exactly pleased with how I acquired them, the choice was made to help them. It was all I could really ask for these people...

Only a week and a half of time had passed since that night. Though I mourn still, keeping myself as busy as I can to prevent moping about the quarters. I do remember them, though. The lives of whom I rescued, and possibly gave a better life to. They are in my thoughts, as well as within my tearful, silent prayers these days. Those poor souls ...

My poor soul...

Why can I save so many, and yet unable to save someone I care for...

Spared From Darkness

Region: Domain

Planet: Athra

Location: Mercy's Keep, Private Quarters of Esna Pitoojee

Date: Y113.06.19

Why can't I move? ... I should be able to. I cannot even open my eyes anymore. I do not understand ...

I feel cold, so very cold... even though I wear my winter cloak. I cannot stop shivering ... nor the sweat I feel running down every inch of my skin right now ... the pain, it wrecks me from the inside, but I can't even scream...

What is going on? Why ... why is this happening to me?

Wait ... footsteps... I hear them nearby. I feel him trying to wake me, call out my name, trying to get me to respond ... I wish I could...

Esna... please help me...

----------------------------------------------------------

Location: Mercy's Keep, Medical Station

Later that evening …

I awoke to find myself in a different clone, fresh out of the vat. I had barely stepped out when a swarm of medical staff had surrounded me. In my state of confusion, I could still tell they were checking my health, but their main focused seem to be what I could recall, my memory. During these tests, I asked a few times in my tired confused state what was going on, but the answers I received as did little to help clear the air. Very little was explained … all I got answer wise was that I was brought in by my master with rapid deteriorating health. That they had to be perform an emergency clone jump before the damage that had reached past the point of no return.

When they were satisfied enough with the results of their testing, I was allowed some peace, some time to rest and sleep off the confusion I was in. Before slumber stumbled across me, it was then he slipped into my recovery room. My dearest friend … I do not recall ever seeing him look as the way he did when he entered the room. The fear, the worry, he wore it on his face so well. It was not until I spoke up some to him that some relief seemed to come to him. As I watched him with tired eyes, he moved to sit beside my hospital bed, gently taking my hand as he did to comfort me sometimes. He spoke to me a little, though I cannot recall now what exactly what we spoke about during that time. I can only recall he seemed more relieved that I was holding a light conversation with him, despise my tired answers.

At some point, I feel asleep, I know I must have, as I cannot remember when he stopped talking to me, nor when he left the room

Nightmare

The Keep .... Mercy's Keep ... my current place of residence. Most of these halls seem so familiar to me as I walk through them, my footsteps echoing against the cold stone that make up the walls. There was no sound then that...


The hall grew darker as I meandered along, my steps being the only obvious noise. The torches flickered as if a cold wind blew by them, dimming them. But there was no sound of wind in the halls... none at all...


Then, the sounds came. Those sounds... faded off in the distance behind me ... chanting ... warped and corrupted hymns, a terrible tone to something other then God. It grew louder, the noise ... a shout of pain heard amongst the chants... a groan of agony. They happened again and again ... I stood still, petrified in fear, it was familiar ... 


My head turned, my eyes met the darkness... the hall behind me is gone. The darkness swallowed it all, and it creeps up further to me. It wants to engulf me, leave me to nothing ...


My body could move again, and I ran. To the end of the hall, there is a door ... a door to escape this. I had to get away, I need to ... not again, never again.


But my hopes were dashed. The door was no more. Just a cold stone wall, splatted with dried blood. Then the whispers, I heard them ... off to the corner, I could not understand what they were saying. The chants were louder now, my head turns to look behind ... another stone wall. I am trapped again... 


I turn to move, to view the source of the whispers... they would not move, my arms and legs. Shackles had embraced them, holding me in place. My arms, held up, pointing to the ceiling by force. My wrists began to bleed, I struggled too hard to pull free. My strength wouldn't make them give ...


The whispers again, the source visible now. Two figures, both clothed in black robes, wearing pale masks. They spoke more, I could not understand. My shirt was lifted up... removed from me. I pleaded, begged. Knew what would come next, I knew ... tears run down my cheeks...


Searing hot pain against my exposed flesh from the bursts of steam... I screamed in pain, pulling on the shackles more. No budge ... the steam hits me again on the other side. More pain, more cries, more tears ... they do this to me many more times ... I hang my head low, I nearly give in.


The searing stops, one come forward. The glint of a knife, a whisper so clear ... "You're perfect. It's perfect. We need this ..."  A slash to my throat, my final cry ...


I awakened on the floor of my bedroom, in a tangled mess of sheets. The sweat was pouring off of my brow, my heart racing worse then what it does after an intense workout. My whole body was shaking as I griped the corner of my bed, using it as a crutch to get back up to my feet. I made it just barely outside of my bedroom before I slid down the wall, my back pressed against it. It was there, on the floor just outside of my room, I curled up and let the tears flow.

Upgrade

I am starting to wonder why I did this ... why in the end, I went through with it anyway. To him and to myself, I had spoken the words, that I would no longer be his bodyguard. The added projection I was going to need from this procedure should have made it rather obsolete.

But I went through with it anyway. Stubborn me...

Now I find myself here, laying on my back and looking up at the dull ceiling above me. All was rather quiet at this time, in this recovery room they had placed me in late yesterday evening. I have barely moved since then, for my entire body was rather stiff. Though I expected that, considering what I had done to myself. I could still move, though, if I put more effort into it... I just did not feel like it right now. I am suppose to be taking it easy, after all.

They mentioned to me earlier today, despite being in a drugged stupor, that if all went well, I should be allowed to go home tomorrow. Admittedly, that sounds rather nice right now. I think my own bed is a bit more comfortable then this cold, harsh medical one I am currently laying in. Though the couch back home sounds rather splendid right now, too.

I probably should inform Esna of this. Perhaps he will come and get me... might be nice to have someone to lean on during the walk back onto the shuttle home ...

Breaking My Word

I was in my room, having just slipped on my black leather jacket and heading the door. My resolve was clear, I was heading out tonight, for I did not wish to stay here and risk what I knew what would happen the longer I remained in the apartment. I thought I was scott free, having not heard nor seen him about yet. My hand had only been on the door just long enough to twist it open when a knock happened, and a voice calling my name.

"Rin?," someone spoke, the voice being all too familiar to me. For a moment I stood there silent, blinking my eyes in some mild surprise to see Esna there, standing before me in the doorway. Any hope that I had in avoiding him was now dashed.

I breathed out a sigh for brief moment, answering him, "Yes, I am still here."

Esna didn't seem to know how to respond to that, blinking at me in some surprise as well. "Er..."
Immediately I knew he could tell something was, and once again, I tried to dodge it, instead opening up the door wider and tried to sneak past him. He let me, but not without saying something.

"What's wrong, Rin...?" he asked me, a sigh accompanied his question.

At that point, I was caught, and rather then put it off, turned around and leaned a shoulder against a wall. "Am I too over protective of you or something? Am I choking your life style?"

My question must have caught him off guard, for he looked at me again with surprise and blinking his eyes again from it. "Huh?"

How typical, I thought, that he would not know what was the cause of my behavior right now. I felt some of the rage welling up inside me, and that is when I looked at him, and chose to be blunt, as I usually try to be. "You know you asked me to be your bodyguard, and I accepted that willfully. I've trained long and hard, getting myself up to par, and it gave me a focus for some of those darker days I had almost three months ago. BUT, I keep hearing of you slipping out without me. So, let me ask you again... am I too over protective or cramping your style?"

"Honestly, no. I just don't want to bother you when I'm going places I know to be safe."

"Oh yes, because fist fights never happen in a bar and broken bottles aren't deadly, " I huffed at him, the anger flowing into my words. "And I don't just mean yesterday, either. Chances are, you've probably been other nasty places, too, without my knowledge. God only knows, though, since you like to hide stuff like that, I bet."

All he could do was just sigh at me. "I see your point, though the bar in question - in fact, all the places I go to - have security which is... rather prompt about dealing with anyone being threatening."

"That stupid Eliza hit you in the nose once while you were at The Broken Piano," I had to point out to him.  "Point is, if I only get to play 'bodyguard' while here, what's the point in even being one? None."
"I still think there is, but... ," Esna sighed regrettably. " I'm sorry..."

My eyes adverted from him this time, but I am sure he saw the anger within them by now. "I do not like being prevented from keeping my word, or performing my duty. I feel you are... " A heavy, confused sigh slipped through my lips.  "I do not know. I partially feel you are doing this to protect me," replied, letting him know how I felt. It was true, I knew he was protective of me, which was the irony because I am the Cyberknight under his service ... I should be protecting him instead.

"Somewhat, yes....," Esna confirmed to me, but I could tell there was more to it.
"Is there another reason?," I questioned, waiting as if I was about to hear something new.
"Like I said, I just didn't want to pester you while you were busy..."
"I am not usually busy, so that is not a good excuse."
"And if you are?"
"It is my job and my tasking, nothing else should be as important as that," I replied, letting a heavy sigh slip out of my lips again before continuing. "Or ... it was my job."
"...was?" He sounded confused by that little word.

"You don't need a bodyguard. You never did. So as much as I hate breaking my word ... I'm not going to do it anymore."  I retrieved my sunglasses from a jacket pocket, readying to slip them over my eyes. It pained me some to say that to him, but it was true. He never really let me do what I was tasked to do, and there really was just no point in saying I was his bodyguard anymore.
"Not like that will matter much, as I am still owned..., " I added shortly there after.

"I won't force you to do anything; you know that... but... I would wish you reconsider?" He almost sounded hopeful that I would right then, or I thought he did, anyway.

"No promises on that." I was starting to let it slip then, how much it had hurt to break my word to someone I trusted so much. I had no choice but to just put on the sunglasses in at that moment, to hide my eyes from him further. I didn't really want to stick around any longer, I knew what was next if I stayed there. I immediately turned around, and briskly walked to the stairs, starting to tread my way down them.

Esna gave me a brief nod before replying. "I won't ask for one... just to consider it. I know... I might not show it all the time... but I do try to care for you and your duties, even if I sometimes go about it wrong."

"I might consider it." I stopped right then and there, but I am not sure why. I should have just kept on going, but I did not. Instead I put a hand up against the nearby wall an lingered there. "But you are going to do as you have always done, though. I do not think my part in protecting you really matters right now, and I do not wish to nag you about it. I will still be there for random assaults to free slaves and beat down terrible holders, though. That I will promise to..." For Amitel, I thought. I owed it to that little girl to partake in endeavors like that.

It was then, for the first time during that entire conversation, he let a frown slip onto his face. "Alright..."

I looked back when I should not have, for the moment I saw that frown, I started to feel terrible about what I had just done. A frown of my own slipped onto my own slips shortly after. "... don't look at me like that. It is not like I am leaving ..."

The man smiles at me again, but time, it's a sad one. "Sorry... just feel like I've failed you somehow."

My hand on the wall slipped down at that time, and I let it fall to my side idly. I started to hang my head low, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me now. "You did not... sorry for making you feel that way, though," the words poured out of my mouth softly, but I could not hide the sadness I was starting to feel any longer.

"No, it's... not your fault... at all."
"Yes it is... I have duty and loyalty issues... issues are, they are high, when need be." I could not bare to look at him any longer, and thus he remained looking at just the back of my jacket.
"As do I...."

Silence flooded the room now as I just stood in place there, my back still facing him. I do not know what it is about this man that gets me so. I use to be so stubborn, forsaking the touch of other people and forgetting about letting them close. I use to just not care. But he ... he did it. He slipped through my walls of defense where so few have before. He did it with patience, kindness, and caring ... and now ... I find it hard to hide much from him, despite clinging to dwindling old habits that never win anymore.

Even now, standing here in silence, I feel horrible. I came into this angry at him, but that look on his face, the sad smile ...  it got to me. I did what I thought was for the better of both of us, and I feel it made it worse. I started to loose it, right then and there. The pain coming out in the quiet tone I used to finally break that silence.

 "... I feel terrible, as if I did something horrible to you just now, every time I peek back at your face. Damn you, for ... being one of the few people who ... helped me remember what it's like to care and be cared about in return..." Underneath my glasses, I could feel the tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes.

 He just stood there, letting a sigh escape from his mouth. "I'm... sorry..."

I couldn't handle standing there any longer, and made my way down the stairs. No longer did I feel like walking out the door, or could I. Not like this, for anyone one else to see. The couch became my next seat, sitting there  as I placed my arms on my thighs, hanging my head low. My hair covered my already hidden eyes, preventing the tears from being seen further.

I heard his footsteps coming down the stairs, but I made little reaction to it. I didn't know what to say, or do, but just let the silent tears flow. For what seemed like forever, that is what happened, I cried silently, and I knew all too well he was just watching. Though the foot steps were heard again, approaching me and shortly after I could feel someone sit by me the very moment I had to wipe the tears away from under the glasses.

"Hey... I'm still going to be here for you, alright?," Esna tried to reassure me, as I felt his hand placed on my shoulder.Though I just couldn't help it anymore, forgetting the fact he might not like it, I leaned my side against his own, and hope he would not push away. I wanted that comfort of someone holding me now. A moment passed, but I finally felt that arm go around my shoulder, and remain there.

"S'gonna be alright, Rin..."

I did not care any more if he saw, and fumbled with one of my hands to remove the dark shades from my eyes. Quietly I uttered, "......I feel like a sissy for crying."

"Don't. Sometimes we have to let things out..."
"Yes, but I started to cry because I made you feel terrible."
"And...? That's no different, Rin. Nor is it 'sissy' either."

I said nothing more for the longest time after that, remaining in my somber quiet mood. Esna seemed okay to let that happen, continuing to allow me to lean against is side like that. In between the dispersed silences, a few random topics were spoke here and there, never lasting too long. It stayed that way till he needed rest, where he seemed a bit reluctant to leave my side at first, despite my small encouragement him to sleep. Long after he went to bed, I remained sitting there alone in the dim silence of the room, my mood remaining the same. Sleep krept up on me at some point, and I ended up sleeping there for the night, till I awoke the next morning for training.

As far as I know, he never saw me there that morning, and perhaps, that is for the best.

Lost Sibling

Family ... that was something I've been lacking for many a years now. It's not that I wasn't born into a family or had none. No ... I did at one time. I had a mother, a father, and a younger brother that which I tried so often to defend. That all changed, though, at the age of fourteen, when the those horrid monsters called the Blood Raiders stole our parents from us. That event felled our small family forever, and tore asunder the bond that I had with my brother. It was made even worse by our grandmother, and for many a years I received nothing but scornful looks from him.

Five years have passed since the last time I even spoke with him, tried to reach to him for something I yearned from the last kin I had. It did not end well, and I have not tried since ...

Till now. A recent conversation I had with Esna spurred my curiosity of Ren's well being, and even though I said I would not try any time soon, I did anyway. I wonder if it went unnoticed by his frequent scans of my datapad activities ...

Though imagine my surprise when I received a response from my brother. Sure, it took a bit of time, but he did. He agreed to meet with me, as his flight back down to Annad III was delayed, and would have to stay up in a system station for a day or two. Naturally, I jumped at this opportunity. Perhaps ... he won't be so embarrassed what what I have become, or angry.

Speaking of angry ... I hope Esna is not. I left no notification as to where I ran off to, nor did I take my datapad with me ... I should probably find a way to inform him, when I get a chance to.

Mercy

Raphael Saint ...

That name ... that one name, amongst so many others in the knighthood ...

I hate it .... no, hate is not the right word. Detest it more then anything, or rather, the man behind the name. That man has never given me the greatest of impressions since the night I first met him. I will admit to making a mistake that night, getting involved in something I should not have been by trying to defend a sleeping Shalee. Had I but known he was another member of the knighthood, I would have backed off, though since I did not, and did what I felt was right at the time. He has never forgotten about that night.

Had it not been for how the encounters with him have gone after that night, I would have apologised for my actions back then. Since that night, he has gone as far as to accuse me of butting into every conversation he has with others when I am around. I have been the subject of his insults both in front of others and in private, as well as him trying to tell me how to go about my business as if I was some idiot rookie. Though most of that does not bother me, what does the most was how he insulted Esna so openly one night. Had it not been for my promise to my only friend to not try to cause any trouble, I might have made Raphael eat those foul words that night.

So imagine my surprise when I had heard from Red about his incarceration. I almost instantly recalled something he had said one night to Esna in regards to myself, on how if it were him when it came to helping me our of my own predicament, he would've left me out in the rain. Admittedly, the thought of letting him rot in his cell flashed through my mind ever so briefly, but that's when the memories of my own imprisonment raced through my head. Those memories roared even louder then the previous cruel thought, and it was then I knew I couldn't do that. Not when it seemed as if I was the only other person that knew ...

And thus, I did what I felt was right. I swallowed my own damnable pride, and flew down to where Raphael was being held and bailed his sorry ass out of jail. I did so with my own hard earned isk, even though I told the ones in charge there I came in the name of my master.

I have never seen that man so surprised at my actions. Nor have I ever heard him speak my name before...

But he did that night, along with a thank you.

Perhaps I will apologise to him, after all...

The Child That Stirs the Heart

I could have sworn I felt my heart grow heavy with sorrow but a couple nights ago, but not for the reasons one might believe. No, it was something I saw, or rather, someone...

A little girl, who couldn't have been more then six years old, came out of the cold snow and into the halls of Mercy's Keep. I watched her as she quickly rushed up to my nearby friend in that fluffy parka she wore and those little snow dusted boots. She spoke in the Ni-Kunni tongue, which fortunately I knew well enough, as she returned the lost datapad to Esna. As cute as she was, my heart began to sink as I saw the fear in her eyes when anyone new arrived. Her words to me confirmed it even more, the poor child was victim to a cruel slave holder.

That night I ended up relinquishing the mug of hot cocoa I had retrieved for myself into her small hands, knowing well she may have never have had something so rich tasting in her life. Even later I found myself rushing off to the solarium, if but to bring back a single rose bloom for her, despite having the wrath of the rose bush inflicted upon my left palm via a single thorn. I did it all just to see the poor child smile, and look forward to doing so again, when I hand over the goodies I bought in town just for her.

Those scars on her legs, the burn marks on her arm, the markings on her neck where I am sure a collar once was ...... it saddens me, and yet stirs a fury within me like no other. Even more so now that I know the monster responsible for the cruelty is still out there, hiding within the Kingdom and going without punishment. If I had but better skills at tracking down others, I would do just that, and make him pay for what he has done to something so innocent.

But ... tracking down others ... if I was any good at it, certain people would have been found by now....

Perhaps, I might have to ask for help in this... It is just... I feel as if I am more of a damsel in distress as of late then being able to stand up on my own feet as I use to.

... God, if you can hear me, please ... help me...

Memories

A month has passed since my arrival to these stone walls that bear the name "Mercy's Keep." While I am slowly adjusting to being in my new surroundings, there is still so much I am not use to. For one thing, being planet side after so much time spent out in the heavens of space, it feels so alien to me. The richness of the decor, the placement of every bloom in the solarium, the luxury of being able to spare no expense of this place ..... I haven't been in such an environment even close to this since I was a child.

Rin pauses for a moment, pondering over her next written words carefully.

This place reminds me too much of just that....... my childhood. It brings back those memories I had thought long since buried under the sorrowful events of my parents' deaths and a few things after that transpired. The aches I felt from my first cyber knighthood implants, the often times painful training, how often things would break in my tiny hands due to undisciplined control over my enhanced strength, and the tears that often would follow from one so young ...

It might sound sorrowful, with what you know of my childhood already, but their were so many more happier memories that overshadowed the horrid ones. For every ache, pain and tear I had, there stood my father, who calmly and gently held onto me. I recall all the times he told me with his strong gentle voice why it was necessary we do these things, even though his family had long since banished him for unfair reasons. Traditions that we took upon ourselves, the training, the implants, they all helped define a part of who we are, as a way of remembering of those who came before us. He often followed his speeches with stories of the olden days, when our ancestors fought side by side with the Amarrian Knights, for the name of the Empire and God. How I loved hearing those tales, even up till I was but 14 years of age, when he and my mother .......

She sighs deeply and sorrowfully as she wipes a nearly formed tear from her eyes.

I won't deny, I miss him, and since arriving here, I often wonder if he would be proud of what I've become, and where I am now...

Shakes her head lightly.

Esna has told me before to stop torturing myself like this. I know I shouldn't, and I try not to think back on it all too much, but it's hard not to.

This place won't let me forget...

Who I Am and Was

Who am I? Why should you care about the words I wright or speak? What significance does it have on your life?

These are just a few of the questions that run through your mind now, as you ponder about the words I am about to lay before your own eyes. I cannot promise it will be of anything important to you or life changing. Nor will it open your eyes to a different point of view. There is no guarantee that there will even be glorious tales of victory on the battlefield or stories of the fallen. All that I do promise, if care to continue at all, is that is about my thoughts, my experiences, and most of all, who I am. This is my story.

Who am I, you ask again. I'm sure you're looking for a name, but throughout my life, I have been called many a names: darling daughter, ungrateful cur, a blasphemer, troublemaker, a lost soul, a Matari sympathizer, a bitch, a lover, a friend. The list can go on, and some of what I mention I have heard more then others, sadly. Though I believe the name you seek is the one given to me at birth: Ce'Rin Deleen Kaelestria. These days, however, I am content at just being called Rin.

What I am now, is a capsuleer, one of the so called "immortals" of the cluster of systems that make up New Eden. One who originated in within the Kingdom of Khanid and trained within the Amarr Empire itself. Before all that, I was once the daughter of a promising captain of the Royal Navy, who himself was a banished member of a noble Cyber Knight family. I suppose that makes me of noble blood as well, but I certainly don't feel as if I belong to any sort of nobility class. Not after all I have been through, and especially now, in the position I am in currently.

A few months back, I had found myself imprisoned within the Empire, under the charge of "aiding and abetting the enemy." That was hardly the truth, but it didn't matter. They had what they wanted to attract the person they really wanted, my missing love. I spent two grueling months there, submitted to constant religious brain washing, tortured and beaten at times when I resisted. Many of times, I found myself in solitary confinement, and on some of the more quiet nights, I thought for a brief moment I could hear my long since dead father talking to me, trying to comfort me in those hours of need.

I was in a terrible state a month ago when I was released into a Holder's care. For but a moment, I thought my life was about to get worse, only till I saw who the holder was. An old friend, one I met out in my time in the Great Wildlands, had come to my rescue. This friend, Esna Pitoojee, made me an offer, to be under his servitude for a while till it was safe to set me free, and in return for my service, he would help me. Considering that if set free now could land me back where I was prior, and knowing how Esna is towards those under his servitude, I took the deal. Alas, the deal came with a title I rather not wear and often try to hide these days...

That title is a slave.